When we decided to make a programme about body image, I was excited. It's something I've really struggled with so I felt that I would, perhaps, be able to understand the stories I was going to hear but that I would, definitely, learn a huge amount.
My worst period of body consciousness was at university. I was heart broken for the first time and spent six months eating the chocolate bits out of my flatmate's cereal, moping on the sofa, watching box sets until 4am - putting on two stone in the process. A classic break-up recovery method. When I recently re-read my diaries from those years I was horrified to see what I'd written. As I read them out loud, with the director listening wide-eyed, I was both extremely embarassed and deeply sadden at what I'd been feeling. I had forgotten how bad my body neurosis was at that time.
And, whilst I have become much happier in my own skin over time, there is still a hang-over from those years of negative thoughts. And at the age of 30, and now a mum, I decided that it was time to face them head on. Enough of desiring a body that I'm never going to have. Enough of looking at beautiful, leggy women and wishing I looked like them. Enough of unnecessary, exhausting and time-wasting negative comments.
So I wanted to meet women who were on their own journey of physical liberation or change, in the hope that I would learn from them how to have a healthier relationship with my own body and I hope the film begins a bigger discussion especially amongst the body conscious young women.
So, what did I learn whilst making Cherry's Body Dilemmas?
Women need to question what a normal body is
I tweeted the question "Who would like to change something about their body?" and had an immediate explosion of responses. It wasn't a surprise and the fact that so many women worry about their body, to some extent, is not revelatory. However, I think women should start questioning how much time and emotional energy is given to these thoughts and whether this is something they are prepared to put up with. For me, once I started being really honest about how much I think about it, I realised that I was not prepared to give any more of my life to this wasted exercise. In fact, it made me feel quite angry that I'd allowed it to take so much mental energy already.
Body neurosis doesn't discriminate
The first girls I met in the programme were two sisters in their early 20s. They were the kind of girls you'd look at in a bar and sigh a little sigh of jealousy. And yet when I asked them what they'd change about their bodies, out poured a list as long as my arm. Thinner thighs, bigger boobs, toned tummy... you name it, they'd change it and they meant it. When I met a group of their friends later in a bar it was the same story for them. I also met a gorgeous girl called Princess who had a bottom like a cheeky peach. Yet she felt it was so unattractive that she wanted surgery to change it. It's easy to look at some girls and think they're silly or stupid for having body neurosis but, the fact is, the media image of perfect beauty is so powerful that only very few remain immune to it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel
At the beginning of this process, I suppose, I secretly felt that body liberation couldn't truly exist in a culture with such intensive exposure to images of airbrushed women. But much to my surprise Sandra, a naturist from Gloucester, proved me wrong. Ok, ok, so I know that being a naturist isn't exactly a standard hobby but once I'd acclimatised to seeing people in their birthday suits, I realised that Sandra had a nugget of gold to share. She had taken personal responsibility for her body worries and had decided to change the way she felt about her body. It wasn't a lightening, overnight moment but it was a gradual, conscious decision to feel happier with her body. She chose to see her body in a new light: as an amazing vehicle that had produced six children and was hers and hers alone. She had stopped comparing herself to other women and, in doing so, she had found a happier, more peaceful relationship with her body. I want me some of that.
This is a huge subject that affects millions of women all over the world. I think that sharing our experiences candidly is absolutely key the to moving forward - I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this subject.
Cherry Healey presents Cherry's Body Dilemmas tonight at 9pm.
Join in the conversation and get tweeting, the hashtag is #bbc3cherry.
- BBC Health: Healthy Weight
- BBC Health: Your Weight
- NHS: Lose weight, Live well
- Watch Cherry's Parenting Dilemmas on iPlayer
- Cherry's Cash Dilemmas on iPlayer
- Visit Cherry Healey's blog